


Compromise

by wildglitterwolf



Category: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019)
Genre: Baking, Birthday Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, M/M, ace!Rick, maybe internalized acephobia?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25397659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildglitterwolf/pseuds/wildglitterwolf
Summary: Cliff wants to take their relationship to the next level while Rick feels he's never going to be able to get there. Rick doesn't know why he feels the way he does but he finally gets the courage to come clean to Cliff, and Cliff's determined to find a way to make it work.
Relationships: Cliff Booth/Rick Dalton
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	Compromise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sal_paradise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_paradise/gifts).



> Happy Birthday, bud! Of course I planned you ace!Rick birthday fic months ago and well before all the acephobia shit on Twitter went down. You and any other aces out there reading this, you all are valid. Don't let the aphobes get you down!

Rick sat up in bed, back against the wall, as he listened intently to the sounds coming from the bathroom where Cliff was freshening up. His heart rate was through the roof as he was doing all he could to not make a break towards the pool that was his safe space. 

Ever since Francesca left him and Rick let it slip to Cliff that there was never any intimacy between them as he felt no attraction to her sexually, Cliff had just assumed that Rick meant he was queer. And to be honest, so did Rick. He never felt the things the boys in high school were always chasing after and the rumors circulated that Rick had a preference towards men. And in a way, Rick did. At least, he preferred to look at them and admire like they were a Roman statue. He would go to the movies and find himself projecting on the woman more often than not, and not because he wanted to be one, but because he just wanted to be on that end of the relationship. To be the one being taken care of emotionally and feeling free to show it, that’s what he needed with a partner, and he fucking failed miserably with Francesca because of that.

So when Cliff hears this and admits he’s been harboring some feelings for him for the past nine years, of course Rick is overjoyed. If men were statues then Cliff was the “David” for him, and not to mention Cliff always treated him exactly the way he wished to be. The way he knew he wouldn’t be able to treat Francesca or any other woman because it wasn’t in him. And to Rick, nothing could tear down how wonderful this feeling of finally being anted was…

Until now.

Now being several days in a row of Cliff dropping hints that he was ready to take this relation to a sexual level. Some were as subtle as casually asking if he’s doing anything late at night this weekend to as blunt as coming up behind Rick while he’s making a frozen margarita, wrapping his arms around his waist, nibbling on his neck as he’s grinding him up against the counter. Rick awkwardly tries to laugh it off and tells Cliff how silly he is, but as soon Cliff gives one last kiss and leaves to go run errands, Rick realizes he doesn’t even know if he wants to do this. And that makes him question if he even wants Cliff at all, which leads to that whole blender being downed faster than normal.

And now the weekend had arrived and Rick had the day off tomorrow so of course Rick had no excuse to tell Cliff no when he dropped him off and asked if he could hang out with him for the evening. That’s exactly what Rick wanted anyways; hang with him, maybe curl up and watch television or make out on the couch. But… that’s all he wanted. Instead, not even five minutes into the house Cliff somehow drove him into the bedroom, and not against Rick’s will, either. No, Rick loved the attention his neck was getting from Cliff’s lips and teeth and the weight of his arms circling his waist. It was when Cliff playful pushed him down on the bed and Cliff’s fingers started fumbling at Rick’s pants did Rick suddenly get very tense. A fortunate reprieve came when Cliff realized he needed to take a piss before this got any further since he hadn’t when they got back, and now Rick’s ‘fight or flight’ instincts were racing out of control as he heard the toilet finally flush.

He wasn’t going to make it to the pool in time. There was only one option left.

Rick scrambled off the bed and into the closet, closing the door and pushing up against the back in between his shirts as he listened for the click of the bathroom door opening. He holds his breath as he sees through the cracks Cliff walking into the bedroom, look around, and leave without a word.

Finally when Cliff is in the main room does Rick hear his name being called. And then again. And then a little more frantic each time until Rick hears a worry in Cliff’s voice he thinks he’s never heard before. It’s so out of character to him that Rick can’t take it much longer and forces himself out. “Cliff! I-I’m in here!”

Rick brushes himself off and ‘oofs’ when Cliff comes into the room and grabs him, pulling him and his face close to Cliff’s chest. “C-Cliff, the hell? Can’t breath!”

Cliff loosens his grip so Rick isn’t forced up against him. “Shit, Rick. Don’t hide like that. I thought… fuck. Don’t like to admit but ever since the hippies burst in here I’m a little more paranoid. Thought maybe you got kidnapped or something.”

“We lock our doors now, or did you fucking forget?”

“You never know. But why were you hiding?”

Rick blushed and runs his hand nervously through his hair, causing more hair from his pompadour to fall across his forehead. “Uh. Cold feet?”

“Not in performance mode tonight, huh?”

“N-not really, no…” Rick kept together a few more moments until his hand stopped running through his hair and just grabbed it in frustration, his face reddening and squints as tears started falling from his eyes.

“Hey man, it’s ok. We can try another night when you’re up to it.”

“And what… wh-what if I never fucking am?!” Rick slid down to the floor and started sobbing, leaving Cliff completely at a loss at what to do. Sighing, Cliff sits down on the floor to hold and rock him, trying to get him to calm down enough so he can at least talk.

“So you ready to talk? What do you mean you might never be up to it? You still a virgin or something? I’ll be gentle with ya, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Cliff tries to smile and lighten the mood in a teasing kind of way but it didn’t work with Rick.

“I’m not scared of it, Cliff. I just… I-I’m not interested. Like the thought of going through with it feels more of a chore, I guess? I don’t kn-know how to explain it. I really d-don’t.”

“So. You’re not interested in me after all, is that what I’m hearing?”

“What?! N-n-no! No, Cliff, I-I’m very much interested in you. Shit, so interested that I can’t believe you’d feel the same. You’re fucking good looking, t-take fucking good care of me even when I don’t deserve it. You’re e-everything I’d want in a partner, Cliff.”

“Except you don’t want to have sex with me.”

Rick mindlessly picks at his fingernail, cracking a small smile then just laughs softly. “Shit. I’m so fucked up I-I can’t even be a proper faggot, huh? Goddamn.”

“Heh. Well… where’s that leave us then? Because if I’m not going to be getting it from you what am I supposed to be doing?”

This suggestion stung Rick but he didn’t want to show it. He didn’t understand why Cliff needed sex so badly but he didn’t have the heart to tell him he couldn’t have any at all. “Well. What have you been doing all this time?”

“Few girls around town. Jenny, remember her? That stuntwoman who’d show up now and then on set? She’s one of them. She prefers the sex without the emotional commitment so it works for us. Otherwise basically one-night stands.”

Rick just started blankly as Cliff explained all this. All this time he was banging women and yet still came back to him at the end of the day. “No men?”

“Nah. Haven’t since… well, it’s been a few years. Was hoping you’d be the first in awhile.”

“And now I’m just disappointing you. Probably don’t even w-wanna bother having a-a relationship with me.”

“Rick. I was married to a woman who berated me every chance she got. Soon even the sex couldn’t save it. I’m willing to give a relationship with you a shot, even a sexless one.”

“But… it’s not going to be enough.”

Cliff pursed his lips and looked at the ceiling as he sat in thought. “Well. Why don’t we just keep doing things as we have been? Just do more relationship things, I guess.”

“So you’ll still sleep around?”

“I mean. If you don’t mind. But how about we make some rules, alright? No kissing or romantic shit with them, just get the dirty done. No men, but that won’t be too hard anyways. And then I’ll set aside time for a date night with you once a week doing whatever you want. Anything. How’s that as a compromise?”

Rick’s head was spinning. He wasn’t too keen on sharing Cliff but shit, better than no Cliff at all. Besides, he did put Cliff through the whole Francesca fiasco so it’s not like he’s a saint either. “Yeah. A-alright, let’s see how it g-goes.”

Cliff beams and kisses his forehead. “Oh wait, kissing is alright, right?:

“Yeah, of course.”

“Cuddling?”

“Very much wanted.”

“I’m guessing the neck biting was a bit too mu-”

“NO! I mean, umm…” Rick was turning red as he starts his nervous hair touching again, his bangs now completely loose at this point. “I… I-I like that,” he manages to whisper.

Now it was Cliff who felt confused at all this. He realized it’s going to have to be a constant trial of error to make sure he doesn’t go too far but… it’s Rick fucking Dalton, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to say no to him. “Alright. I’ll keep that in. So what do you wanna do tonight then?”

“J-just cuddle or something? Watch television? Like what we usually do but more, I-I guess.”

“Alright. Up you get, then.” Cliff climbs to his feet and helps Rick up off the floor before pulling him out into the main room. Cliff decides to lie down full body on the couch as Rick goes to turn the tv on, arms outstretched to receive him once he’s found something to watch.

“Uh…” Rick wasn’t ready for a full body cuddle in the dark, worried Cliff might get too handsy too fast and he’d have to stop that and ruin the night once again. Not that he didn’t trust Cliff to stop or anything, he just didn’t trust himself to not overreact. “C-could we cuddle in my chair?”

Cliff quirks an eyebrow as he looks over at the chair in question. “I don’t think it’s meant for two people.”

“P-please? I’d feel more comfortable s-starting this way.”

“If you insist,” Cliff says with a shrug as he rolls off the couch and plops down in Rick’s chair, rubbing the arms as if he’s just been granted the throne of power. “Well I ain’t used to this view but…” he trails off as he pats his lap.

Rick sorta regretted his request once he realized a six foot man trying to sit on another man’s lap in a seat built for one was not the most thought-through idea he’s had, and it took him awhile to adjust his legs and arms until he found himself with his arms around Cliff’s shoulders and neck and head on his chest, turned just so he could see enough of the screen.

“Are you sure you’re comfortable there, partner?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just ‘shhh’ and watch.”

“I’m comfortable too, thanks for asking.”

“Well of course you are, you're not the one squished up like a koala on it’s mom.”

“Hey, we can always move to the couch if you get too cra-”

“Shh. Watching.”

\---

It didn’t take long for both of them to realize that there really wasn’t much they could do outside of the house that was any different from what they were already doing, and that was before you threw Rick’s celebrity on top of it. Rick would join Cliff on more walks with Brandy but that was about the only real change. They couldn’t hold hands or do any other affectionate displays and they both became more aware of how they acted in public that might give off any sort of relationship vibe. Turns out, they realized they might have been giving it off all this time and the attempt to tone it down got questions from other people if everything was alright between them. And so Rick finally concluded he was just going to have to settle for any meaningful date nights primarily at his place, the anxiety of anything shifting to the bedroom hanging over his head indefinitely. 

“Hey man, I know we can’t really go out and do much together but this is the third week we’ve just sat around and watched the television. Isn’t there anything else ya have in mind we could do?”

Rick honestly couldn’t think of anything else. If he wasn’t working or preparing for a role, he was just lounging in front of the television or in the pool with a drink in hand. He tried to think back to his childhood for any inspiration, anything that could be fun to do together until suddenly a lightbulb goes off. “We could bake cookies.”

Cliff cocked an eyebrow in his direction. “You bake?”

“All the time as a kid helping my mom. We busted out around Christmas a shit ton of decorated sugar cookies.”

“Not really Christmas time, still a couple months away.”

“She made a fucking mean snickerdoodle. Here, I-I have the recipe somewhere.” Rick practically leaped out of his chair and jogged into the kitchen, digging around in cabinets probably not touched in years before he pulled out a recipe book. “Yeah, found mom’s recipe. Also got a chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin.”

Cliff wasn’t really expecting this to be Rick’s big alternative idea, but watching Rick’s face light up as he read allowed all the ingredients like he was a kid again melted Cliff’s reluctant-to-bake heart. “Alright. What do I need to pick up at the store?”

\---

Not to Cliff’s surprise, he ended up having to pick up everything. It was already nine o’clock when he finally returned which didn’t feel like prime time to be baking several batches of cookies. But there Rick was, all the equipment out (Cliff was actually shocked he owned a large mixer) and ready to go as he rocked anxiously against the counter, probably, if Cliff had to guess, thinking this was a bad idea. 

“Alright, let’s get baking. I’m excited to see what you can teach me.”

And as Cliff predicted, that eased Rick right up.

“Oh, yeah? Well it’s not that hard, just gotta follow the fucking directions and shit.”

“I dunno man. Last time I tried baking decades ago I thought I followed them and still tasted like shit.”

“Well maybe it was just a shit recipe then. Here, why don’t you measure shit out for me while I mix.”

Cliff couldn’t recall the last time he used anything to measure. Closest thing he did to measuring was dump enough Tabasco and pepper until it’s hot enough. “Alright. Give me the instructions.”

Rick slipped the hand-written recipe in front of him that was barely legible but he was able to translate it enough. He preps everything but the flower while Rick is getting trays ready and preheating the oven, waiting for him to start mixing before he gets dirty with it.

“Alright, says we dump the butter, shortening, eggs sugar, and vanilla in.”

Cliff gets everything measured dumped in and passes one of the two eggs to Rick. “We can crack them in together.”

“Why the hell would we do that?”

“I dunno, man. Isn’t that how couples bake?”

“I don’t think they fucking do syncronize egg cracking.”

Cliff chuckles and shakes his head, cracking his egg on the side of the bowl a little too hard that he needs to pick some pieces of shell out. Rick didn’t fare much better.

“Alright, start measuring the flower.” Rick turns the mixer on a low speed then slowly starts increasing it until it’s all mixed together.

“So about how many does this batch make.”

“Uhh… shit, I wanna say four dozen. Mom always made big batches to take to church on Sunday now and then.”

“Well we could always take some to Jay and Sharon. And I could bring some to Jenny tomorrow.”

It didn’t go unnoticed to Cliff that he saw Rick freeze up a bit at that name as he dumps the first cup of flour in.

“Y-you still s-seeing her?”

“Yeah. Thought that’s what we agreed to?”

“I mean yeah, but-”

“But what?” Dumps second cup in.

“I-I-I guess I just f-forgot. That’s all. Just fucking forgot.”

“You still alright with this?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. Fucking fine.” Rick smiles at Cliff with smile that clearly told Cliff that it wasn’t really that fucking fine.

“Uh huh…” Dumps third cup in.

“So yeah. Sure. Bring her cookies when you go have your fuck date or whatever.”

“Right.”

Cliff watched as Rick decided now would be the best time to light a cigarette while he measured and dump a fourth cup in, suddenly realizing he was distracted and didn’t keep track of how many cups he put in. He reread the ‘2 ¾ flour’ listing and gave a sharp whistle as he knows it’s definitely been more than that.

“What?”

“Nothing. Start mixing.” 

Rick narrows his eyes and keeps his cigarette pressed between his lips as he flips the switch again and lets it slowly speed up. Cliff watches the flour start to thicken it, hoping it didn’t look too much of an error for Rick to notice. But Rick seemed so not focused on the actual cookies anymore that Cliff tried to rack his brain for some way to bring him back down to earth.

“Hey man, so I was thinking. It’s my birthday next week-”

“Jesus Christ, you finally telling me after all these years when your birthday is?” Rick narrows his eyes even more; he’s been pestering Cliff for years about it but Cliff always insisted he didn’t like the attention and enjoyed the mystery of keeping it from Cliff.”

“Yeah. The 29th. So almost Halloween but not quite.”

“Well still appropriate since you belong in a horror film.”

“Dunno if that’s suppose to be an insult or what there, partner, but anyways, figured since we’re a couple and all-” Rick scoffs a bit, “- we can do something. I can go pick up a cake, maybe justify a trip to Tito’s and pick up some tacos for us. Whaddaya say?”

“It’s your birthday. Do what you want.”

“I will. And I wanna spend it with you.”

“Not Jenny?”

There it is. “Rick. I can put a stop to it if ya need me to.”

“No no, shit. Fuck, Cliff. I know you need that shit so it’s fine.”

“Ya sure about that?”

Rick doesn’t reply, just takes one last drag on the cigarette before snuffing it out. “Alright, let’s get this shit rolled in the cinnamon and sugar and put on the tray.”

Cliff wanted to go in and kiss him. Hold him close, tell him everything was alright and that Rick was the one person he needed most in his life. But he also knew Rick as well as he knew himself, and Rick was emotionally at the point where suddenly making it look like he was trying to apologize with a kiss would set Rick off even more into a manic spiral, that he’s just doing it because he thinks he has to, not that he wants to.

“Alright.”

Once they get the first couple trays filled out and in the first one in the oven, Rick finally starts to relax enough that Cliff knows it’s safe to slip behind him and wrap his arms around his waist. “Well partner, this was fun.”

“R-really? N-not stupid?”

“Nah. We’ll have to try those chocolate chip ones next time, alright?”

“Yeah, sure, a-alright.” Rick turns his head and awkwardly places a kiss on Cliff’s temple before looking away, thinking Cliff probably thinks that was silly and was going to tell him he can’t kiss properly either. But the negative thinking melts away when he feels Cliff return the favor with a cheek kiss of his own and rests his head in the crook of Rick’s neck. Fuck, maybe Cliff really is serious about them.

The timer beeps and Rick almost whines when he feels Cliff pull away to go take the tray out and slip the next one in. They wait a few minutes to let them cool before doing a taste test, and Cliff didn’t have to wait long after Rick took that first bite to know he did, in fact, fuck up on the flour.

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

\---

“Hey, Jen. Be a doll and pass my pants, would you?”

Jenny rolled her eyes as she reached down over the side of the bed to pick them up and toss them in Cliff’s direction. “Lazy ass, as always.”

“Hey, I’m worn out. It’s been awhile.”

“In general?”

“Yeah. I started seeing someone but they're not into the whole… this....”

“Sex?”

“Yeah.”

“Well you’re not exactly anything to write home about.”

Cliff scoffs and chuckles as he starts to roll on top of her, stopping halfway and falling back on his back. “Shit. I keep forgetting. Gotta keep this strictly fuck only.”

“Your girl imposing rules on you, huh?”

“Nah. My own doing. Said I’ll keep the romantic shit with them only if I can take care of the other itch elsewhere.”

“Well. Tell Rick I said ‘hi’.”

Cliff blinked and then gave a lazy half grin. “Wait, how did you-”

“Cliff. Everyone could tell there was something between you two, even if it wasn’t sexual. I mean hell, as soon as you said your person wasn’t into sex it made me think of Rick. But everyone just assumed he was a faggot, although not a honry one.” 

“Shit. Everyone knew about us before we did.” Cliff always considered himself excellent at reading others, so finding out you and your man were the only ones to not realize was a bit of an embarrassment. “So uh… what should I do?”

Jenny picks up her cigarette pack off the nightstand and offers Cliff one, lighting them both up before she replies. “You’re not getting any younger, Cliff. I mean, not much longer before you can’t even get it up anymore.”

“Well now, that’s just mean, Jen.”

“Hey, you asked. Look. I ain’t never been the romantic type. I guess you could say I’m the opposite of Rick in that way. You ain’t the only lay I can obtain, Cliff. But Rick might be the only one really worth of your affection, and visa versa.”

Cliff took a drag and stared at the ceiling as he thought about it. It’s true, he wasn’t getting any younger. And hell, he sure wasn’t going to find anyone better than Rick romantically, despite Rick’s tendency to be self-centered now and then. “I mean. Like I told Rick, the sex alone with Billie didn’t save that relationship.”

“Then maybe you need the emotional support more than the fucking.”

“Ah, but it’s so goooood,” Cliff says with a grin, still fighting the instinct to just roll over and kiss her out of habit.

“Yeah, can’t argue with that.”

\---

Cliff took the money Rick gave him to go pick up some cheap cake at the grocery store and then used all the rest to get the max amount of tacos he could at Tito’s Tacos, which came to about an even dozen. Honestly, this was what Cliff considered a proper birthday dinner. Not that fancy-schmancy get dressed up, go drop a couple hundred on a tiny piece of steak kind of place. Just some cheap but good fucking food, at home, with his man.

Cliff pulled into Rick’s driveway, let Brandy out of the back of the car and started his balancing act of trying to carry a cake with the taco box on top while fishing keys out of his back pocket. A situation like this is when he’d miss Rick just leaving his door open but he managed to and let Brandy in first, who instinctively went to the couch by the fireplace that was now her favorite.

“Rick? You here?”

A voice came from the bathroom although Cliff couldn’t make out exactly what he said, but he at least could tell Rick was around. He sets the cake and tacos on the kitchen counter and spies a batch of fresh snickerdoodles cooling on the counter. That’s right. Rick told him he’d make a proper batch for his birthday so he could actually taste them properly. And shit, they were pretty damn tasty as he managed to eat about three before he finally heard the bathroom door open.

“Hey man, these are delicious.”

“And if you fucking did it properly we could have had them last week.” And instead of giving Cliff an annoyed look like usual, Rick smiled wide, wraps his arms around Cliff’s waist and pulls him in for a kiss. “Happy Birthday. Now that you’ve finally told me when it is.”

“Oh yeah? Do you have proof that it actually is? Could have just made it up.”

“Shit, Cliff. Don’t mess with me. I always felt guilty never knowing when it was when you go out of your way for me every year.”

“Well that’s because you deserve it, partner.” Cliff smirked and rubbed their noses together before going in for another quick kiss. “Alright. Better eat before the tacos get beyond cold.”

\---

Cliff kinda was regretting never telling Rick about his birthday sooner. The way Rick went out of his way to pamper him, always making sure Cliff had a Bloody Mary in hand and a taco in the other until the box was finally empty. Constantly asking if he needed “anything else?”, which was a strange but welcomed role reversal. Rick may be a self-centered diva now and then, but Cliff would gladly argue against that with others now; Rick just needs to be in the right circumstances, including mental, and he could be a very giving person. 

There weren’t any birthday candles so Rick held his lighter above the cake and sang to him slightly off key. But Cliff didn’t pay attention to the singing, only how the light from the lighter in the dark room highlighted every crease, every wrinkle in Rick’s face and that it made him more handsome in a way. Ever since before he started working on _Bounty Law_ , he’d watch episodes with Billie, part because he enjoyed the show and part because of the attractive man on television. Now here he was, in this guy’s house, being sung “Happy Birthday” by him to him. This really, truly, was some kind of Hollywood fairy tale.

“Thanks, man. Really. I’m honestly touched by all this.”

Rick flipped the lights back on and went to cutting Cliff’s desired slice. “You should have gone to a local bakery, or something. You don’t deserve such a cheap cake, that’s why I gave you enough money. Yet you fucking s-spent it all on-on tacos.”

“Well. I like tacos.”

Rick rolls his eyes. “Wanna take this outside?”

“Sure.”

Cliff grabbed his half-full Bloody Mary, his generous slice of cake, and a wad of napkins and fork as he heads out back to the two chairs overlooking the city behind the pool. It was a lovely night, the moon still close to full as it lit everything around them. “Ya know, maybe we should do a night drive next full moon. Just through the hills. Stop somewhere. Maybe make out in the car,” he says with a lopsided grin.

“Yeah, s-sure. M-making out is f-fine.”

“You alright there?”

“Hmm? Yeah, s-s-sure.”

Cliff could tell Rick wasn’t all there. He scoots his chair over right up against Rick’s, balances his plate of cake on one leg so he can wrap an arm around Rick’s shoulder. “Come on, partner. You can tell me. Is this about Jenny?”

“M-maybe.”

“Ah.”

Rick doesn’t look up, just picks his fork at his own cake and eats. “Still say you deserve a-a better cake than some fucking store bought one.”

“I ain’t leaving her for you, man.”

“But this… th-this won’t be enough for you, Cliff. You’re not gonna be satisfied with the occasional make-out session or handjob when you need more.”

“Well I didn’t know handjobs were on the table.”

“I mean… I guess.” Rick just shrugs and takes another bite of cake.

“And if that’s all there is, I’m fine. Wouldn’t have stayed around this long if it wasn’t.”

“I guess not.”

Cliff just pets Rick’s hair as the other man kept purposely avoiding eye contact and stayed focused on his cake. No point in arguing right now.

“Wanna know why I never told you when my birthday was?”

Finally Rick looks his way. “Uh. Alright, yeah. Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me?”

“In case you forgot it.”

“Look. I forget a lot of shit but I sure as hell would remember your fucking birthday.”

“Heh. Well. Billie never did. I think only once she did and that was more like she remembered last minute and wanted an excuse to get reservations at some new restaurant that we couldn’t really afford. But I went out of my way for hers every year, even when we were getting really rocky.”

“Well hell, you go all out for mine with what you’re able to do, and I-I appreciate if even if you think I don’t. I didn’t get too many birthdays growing up, to be quite honest. And shit, I would have done the same for you if you’d just told me.”

“But that’s the point. I didn’t want to feel the way with you that I felt with Billie, that it’s just all take and no give. So I thought if you didn’t know, then I can’t blame you for forgetting.”

“I’m not Billie, Cliff.”

It was now Cliff’s turn to avoid Rick’s eyes as he just looked out down into the canyon and kicked himself mentally for this. “Yeah. I know.”

“I actually care about you.”

“Right.”

“I mean it.”

“No, I know you do. Guess I just always expect the worst so I don’t get hurt later.”

Rick doesn’t know if he could remember the last time he’d seen Cliff look so doubtful, or if ever at all. He was always doubting himself being good enough for Cliff while apparently Cliff worried Rick wouldn’t return the same level of affection. And, Rick admits, he hasn’t always been selfless like Cliff’s been for him. Maybe... maybe he should at least try to give Cliff what he wants…

“Woah, hey! What are you doing, man?”

Rick flinches as he jerks his hand away from Cliff’s groin, worried he fucked up and this wasn’t what Cliff wanted. 

“I-I-I’m s-sorrry! I-I thought you, y-you’d w-want that. Shit. I don’t know what I’m doing a-anymore. Thought it would cheer you u-up.” Rick starts sniffling and wiping his face on his arm. God, he was so stupid! 

“Rick… Rick, hey. It’s alright, man. But I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t completely comfortable with and you don’t have to rush into it just because it’s my birthday or some shit. Whenever you’re ready, and if you aren’t, that’s alright, too. Your companionship makes up for any cheap fuck I could get and then some. You gotta trust me on that, alright?”

“I-I guess…”

“Besides. I was told I’m not gonna be able to “get it up” for much longer, anyways.”

“Huh?”

“Ah, nevermind.” Cliff just gives him a reassuring grin that everything was truly alright and that seems to make Rick calm down. Finally, Cliff takes a bite of his cake. Not horrible like Rick was making it out to be but-

“Hey. Your mom got a cake recipe in there, by chance?”

“Oh. Um. She had a lemon cake I used to like. But I never attempted it on my own.”

“Well how about we go make it then.”

“See! Told you this fucking grocery cake is shit. Shit, yeah. You deserve a better cake. I-I’ll go find it.”

Cliff watches Rick, re-fueled by this newfound enthusiasm, leap out of his seat and rush into the house to go find it. He never thought he’d find himself in a relationship with partner more excited over making a cake than sex but here he was, and in a way, Cliff kinda thought it was rather endearing. But now Cliff knew they probably had enough shit to make the cake but he definitely knows he hasn’t picked up any lemons, and it was too late and he was too wasted to make a trip out to the store.

A lemon-less lemon cake it will have to be then, and Cliff was alright with that.

**Author's Note:**

> That whole Rick koala hugging Cliff in front of the TV was inspired by Yokiter's piece. Thank you for letting me use it as inpiration! https://www.instagram.com/p/CBjW-eSssYs/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link


End file.
